My Blog List

Sunday, November 13, 2011

Learning to Let Go.

This past month has been one of the most emotionally draining times I've had in a very long time. In a matter of three days I managed to lose my great grandfather, better known as Pops, and my great aunt. The fact that my great grandmother lost her husband who's been in her life since she was like 12 (if not younger) and her only sister/ best friend, really breaks my heart.

I've been blessed to have grown up knowing all of my grandparents and great grandparents. But reality is hitting me that I'm older and my family is getting older. All of those individuals that were a major impact in my up bringing are getting older and it's a difficult pill to swallow that I'm beginning to lose those people. It's unfortunate, but true nonetheless, that death makes people reevaluate their lives and refocus. It's a reminder that tomorrow isn't guaranteed and to live every day like it's your last. It's hard for me to imagine the people I use to spend weekends and holidays with not being around for my children (if I ever decide to have any). Weekend slumber parties at great grandma's house wont be something my children get to experience. Enjoying the electricity in the air at one of Pops' fight parties wont be an option and it's difficult enough to know that I wont experience that anymore

My great grandmother was diagnosed with stage four lung cancer and told she only has 6months to live about two months ago. How do you squeeze in years of time you thought you had with someone in a matter of 6months? There are too many holiday dinners, family reunions, movie nights, birthdays, Sundays at church that I have to experience before I'm ready to let her go. Guess it's not my story to write but doesn't God understand the difficulty in losing someone you'd give your own life for?

I'm praying for peace and acceptance in letting go. I feel like this is just the calm before the storm.

Rest in heaven, Pops. you'll forever be missed<3