God's Favor

A coworker of mine (also a good friend since I was about 14) and I have amazing talks every morning before we start our day. She's an amazing woman of God and I admire her in ways I don't think she even knows. This morning we had a great talk about God's favor and she showed me a different way of looking at the things I have been battling with eternally.

"When you are favored by God you are that light and seemingly special person to most . However, favor is unfair. And though most would love to have that “it’ factor as you do, it becomes a form of jealousy if they do not have a healthy image of themselves in Christ. I am recently learning that most people will not like you. As a child of God living in a world mostly ruled by those under satan’s power, I have learned to accept the fact that I am peculiar and this is why I will  most likely not be accepted by many. In fact, if you are liked by everyone then you may not be as potent of a Christian as you think. I constantly remind myself that I am content being an audience of one and I am of no reputation. Meaning, I can careless what people think of me. Jesus was the Messiah and many hated Him; so what makes you think you are that special to not experience that same treatment. One factor many followers of Christ ignore is that if you live for Him YOU WILL BE PERSECUTED!! If you stand firm in your relationship with God, He will give you the opportunity daily to purify yourself of the things that are in your character that are not of Him. This doesn’t mean you should not accept constructive criticism from other believers in the body of Christ, because those who hate correction are fools. But don’t change who you are to be accepted by the world. Know who you are and who you are in Christ and live to fulfill His purpose for you."

Be not conformed to the world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind daily. -Romans 12:2

Blah.

Ever had so much to say but not exactly knowing how to say it without hurting someone keeps you from saying it? Yea, that's been my life for the past 2 weeks. 


They say blood is thicker than water. I don't know about alladat. 


And that's where I'll leave this. 

Blah.

Learning to Let Go.

This past month has been one of the most emotionally draining times I've had in a very long time. In a matter of three days I managed to lose my great grandfather, better known as Pops, and my great aunt. The fact that my great grandmother lost her husband who's been in her life since she was like 12 (if not younger) and her only sister/ best friend, really breaks my heart.

I've been blessed to have grown up knowing all of my grandparents and great grandparents. But reality is hitting me that I'm older and my family is getting older. All of those individuals that were a major impact in my up bringing are getting older and it's a difficult pill to swallow that I'm beginning to lose those people. It's unfortunate, but true nonetheless, that death makes people reevaluate their lives and refocus. It's a reminder that tomorrow isn't guaranteed and to live every day like it's your last. It's hard for me to imagine the people I use to spend weekends and holidays with not being around for my children (if I ever decide to have any). Weekend slumber parties at great grandma's house wont be something my children get to experience. Enjoying the electricity in the air at one of Pops' fight parties wont be an option and it's difficult enough to know that I wont experience that anymore

My great grandmother was diagnosed with stage four lung cancer and told she only has 6months to live about two months ago. How do you squeeze in years of time you thought you had with someone in a matter of 6months? There are too many holiday dinners, family reunions, movie nights, birthdays, Sundays at church that I have to experience before I'm ready to let her go. Guess it's not my story to write but doesn't God understand the difficulty in losing someone you'd give your own life for?

I'm praying for peace and acceptance in letting go. I feel like this is just the calm before the storm.

Rest in heaven, Pops. you'll forever be missed<3

VENI VIDI VICI

Big ups to the Roman Emperor Julius Caesar.... "I came, I saw, I conquered"


UC.....it's been real!

Dont Swing My Way

Maybe someone can help me out with this one.....what is the point of an open relationship when married??? I've recently had a number of conversations with individuals who are married, male and female, that are into the whole swinging thing.... now...rumor has it, Will and Jada have lasted as long as they have because they're swingers. Is it really that difficult these days to be in a happy, committed marriage without having to step that far out of the box?

I've lost count of the times I've been invited into a marriage for the night. They want to wine and dine me and then....yea, you know the rest. Judge me if you like, but the only way I'd even consider it is if I've been provided a day at the spa, a nice brazilain wax, teeth whitened, a new fit for the occassion and was STILL compensated for my services,.... and another compensation for the disclosure agreement they'd have to agree to. What I look like??? Believe me when I say, no one can afford me. Especially with the drama that is sure to follow.... I'm pretty addictive.

I can kind of understand having sex with the same person for the rest of your life can get redundant, but as the territorial woman that I am, I wish a *bleep* would even dream of touching my HUSBAND. I know many of you have seen the episode of The Game when Melanie was trying to spice up the sex life in her marriage by bringing a third party to the bedroom. At the end of the day, she kicked the trick out. Why? Because the sight of another woman with her man made her sick.

I'll pass with that whole idea, whether I'm the wife or the third party. Anyone out there who thinks differently??

The Funnel of Injustice




My attempt to Make a Chart....The Funnel of Injustice

 


So, I just left a class of mine that really burnt my toast. The discussion today was about the Criminal "Justice" system, and it was incredibly mind blowing to hear so many people feel so strongly about a topic that’s very clear they truly know nothing about.




Let me just say that I do believe there are individuals who commit crimes who should be imprisoned and that’s that. But lets look at the reality of prisons. First, they are seen in the economic world as gold mines. Corporations such as Victoria's Secret, Microsoft, Starbucks, Lee Jeans, and Nintendo (just to name a few) all make money using prison labor. Yes, you read that correctly. Your cute little Vicki Secret thong was mass produced by prisoners who don’t have to be paid minimum wage, who aren’t provided with health benefits, or covered by worker's comp.


 I read an article that has this crazy chart showing the differences in the amount spent on an inmate vs. the amount that teachers are paid (CRAZY CHART) <
Okay, another little stat, I learned in my Black Adolescent Male class, that only 33% of young black males are graduating from high school in Cincinnati. So we look at the fact that there really isn’t that much of a gap between the salary of a teacher here in the state of Ohio and the cost of keeping someone incarcerated and we begin to make sense of all this nonsense. Everyone would have to be completely oblivious to society if they didn’t agree with me when I say, the media has its way of creating a face for crime, and that face is the face of a black man. People of color are disproportionately arrested. Society has already taken it upon itself to believe the stereotype that black men are violent and criminals. That stereotype the mass media has fed into leads to people placing more money into prisons, and essentially leaving our school systems without the proper funding. It's a vicious cycle.


Not So Fun Fact:
*Possession of 500 grams of powder cocaine is a minimum sentence of 5years
*Possession of any amount of crack cocaine is mandatory minimum sentence of 5years


Questions to ask yourself:
Who is more likely to have possesion of crack cocain? Who is more like to have possession of powder cocaine?
How much is 500 grams? A: OVER A POUND!
So you mean to tell me, I can have over a pound of powder cocaine and a gram of crack cocaine and I'm gonna go to jail for the same amount of time? hmmmm...okay.


I guess I just said all of that to get everyone's wheels turning, get some dialogue going, and to make people want to be conscious about how our Criminal "Justice" systems are and how it really is affecting society and the economy. White collar crimes, such as fraud and embezzlement cost more than robberies, burglaries, and auto theft combined, yet they are less likely to be detected or even seen as criminals.


All of that was just FOOD FOR THOUGHT.


Good day people.

Letting Go...

How do you know when to move on and let go of the thought " he/she is going to be my husband/wife someday"? How do you know when to let go of the memories of bliss that the two of you seemed to dwell in at one point in time?

I feel like such a girl when I say this,... I dont know how. I dont know how to cut him completely out of my life, I dont know how to let go of the memories, I dont know how to stop loving his family like they're my own, I dont know how to be more angry from the pain he caused then happy from the smiles he put on my face. Or maybe I dont want to?

It's going on two years since its ended and I dont know why or even how he can still be in my mental. How he was and still is able to affect my daily life. From things that he said that were hurtful and will probably always remain in the back of my mind (hopefully not always) to the things that he said he loved about me that keeps me going as the person he met and knew.

Ive gone a week and three days without speaking to him....which is quite a long time when we normally talk everyday. I dont know why Ive taken the stance of not speaking to him. I mean....I kinda know why. A convo...it sparked old, hurt feelings... got my wheels turning in the negative way it did when we first split... I ran. Now, like I always do, Im second guessing my decision.

I dont even know what I expect from him. I thought it was just friendship....just having him there in my life....having my best friend back....(he was my best friend before he was ever a lover). But five years later.....five years he's been in my life, and I dont know if I can just have him in my life as a friend. I battled LONG with what other, important, people in my life would think if I went back. And after all this time, after all this bullshit, after all these mixed emotions and this crazy dumb game of tug-a-war.....i dont care. I dont care what my mother has to say, or my best friend....I dont even care what the egotistical side of Jocelyn has to say. No one knows the love that him and I had......have.... no one will ever understand.

Maybe Im dumb.


I dont want to let go. I never have. I love you and I always will. But I cant play second fiddle to what ever you feel is more important than me. I cant hide or lie about our friendship to sugar coat anyone else's feelings. I cant pretend that the past 5 years doesnt affect me.....and because of all of that, I cant let you remain in my life. Not like this.